Saddam Sitcom Plans Cancelled

It has come to my attention that due to prior commitments, Saddam Hussein will not be able to star in my planned sitcom pilot "Saddam". I was hoping to fill the void that was left when Seinfeld went off the air with a similar format starring the deposed dictator.

I was expecting Saddam to get a mere slap on the wrist and be sent to rehab for his genociding, much like other troublemaking celebs (Nicole Richie, anyone?). Instead they sentenced him to death! A little harsh for someone who had such memorable roles in Hot Shots Part Deux and South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut.

So rather than following up on our sitcom plans, Saddam is forced into a career dead-end. He's starring in the season premiere of the new Running Man television show. Unfortunately his role will not carry much further than the pilot, and it sounds as though it might be a direct-to-video release.


The timing is also questionable, pitting Saddam against the likes of Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daily in the new year's eve ratings race. Luckily for his ego, it looks like the show has been bumped up to air tonight in a surprise move by the major players.

It seems that the people behind the event are sure it'll be a hit and want to get it out the door and onto YouTube as quickly as possible. Bold move! I thought of getting in touch with Ceauşescu's people for my backup idea, but he was taken off the air ages ago. I should just stick to computers.

So This is Christmas

Last night I celebrated Christmas Eve with lemon pepper chicken and a Rashomon dvd. Not quite the festive party with sweaters and friendship and Frank Sinatra that I envision, but oh well. I also went to Trader Joe's (friendliest staff ever), and the cashier asked me to tell her a story to entertain her. I didn't have any stories so I just started in on the Brady Bunch theme song. She picked up the ball and ran with it, belting out the entire song, only to be interrupted by me, adding in "they didn't know about birth control". We also talked about the weather and how it hasn't snowed in Toronto yet. She said it's on account of Al Gore Global Warming. He may be trying to warn us about it, but the constant association makes me feel like it's his fault.

This morning I woke up to find out James Brown, the godfather of soul, is dead. Just the other night I was watching his great cameo in Undercover Brother with Natalie. Did you know the movie was filmed in Toronto? Yuhuh, it sure was. I spotted them at Graydon Hall and then proceeded to watch the rest of the movie frame by frame, pointing out evidence of the movie's Toronto-ness. But I digress. James Brown was an inspiration to me as a black man. He made me want to get up in here and do my thang all of the time. He made me want to dance like a madman while hardly moving my upper body. I don't know what I'll do from here on out, but whatever it is, I got to make it funky.

ThanksVegasGiving

I need to catch up on current events.

Iraq is still screwed. We're still all being slowly cooked like lobsters in a big pot of global warming, I think. The new Nintendo is making people enjoy playing like kids again and taking the focus off of technology. This is smart.

Speaking of kids, due to a severe lack of family, Nat and I went to Vegas for American Thanksgiving and didn't eat any turkey. We stayed at the Mirage and I pre-bought "best in house" tickets to the Love show. In case you haven't heard of it, it's the Cirque De Soleil show inspired by the Beatles and their music.

But before the show we had a day or so to gamble away all our money. I know they say that blackjack is the closest you can get to 50/50 odds, with the house slightly in favour, but this time it seemed more like 10/90.

To recoup some of our losses, we participated in one of those timeshare "presentations" where they drill you for 2 hours on how good vacations are for your health etc and that you should really really buy into their garbaggio. And if you get through the 2 hours without being suckered in, you get $100 bucks for coming and are sent on your merry way. As some of you may know, I exhibit extreme cynicism in a sales situation. This is because I've learned some of the tricks of the trade and have to bristle when I see them used on me. Natalie is less experienced in these matters especially when it comes to dealing with high-pressure salesmen. Anyway, to make a long story short, the salesman got annoyed with me and called me a cynic, asking "How do you get up in the morning?". I wondered the same thing about him.

We gambled and ate away most of the 100 we earned by sitting through that ordeal, but hell, it was worth it. Afterwards, we dressed up and went to the show.

I had never seen a Cirque show live before and I don't know if they're all this good, but this one was absolutely amazing. It killed me that they didn't permit any picture taking whatsoever because every element was just spectacular. I can't use enough adjectives to describe how much it floored me. Here was something real and beautiful, and it bypassed all of my cynicism and activated the core of my wonderment. Truth be told, the guy's comment about me being a cynic struck a nerve and it was on my mind until I sat in the show awestruck. It was then I realized that I have an unlimited wellspring of optimism just waiting to be activated by the beauty the the universe conspires to create.

Slept like a baby.