Saddam Sitcom Plans Cancelled

It has come to my attention that due to prior commitments, Saddam Hussein will not be able to star in my planned sitcom pilot "Saddam". I was hoping to fill the void that was left when Seinfeld went off the air with a similar format starring the deposed dictator.

I was expecting Saddam to get a mere slap on the wrist and be sent to rehab for his genociding, much like other troublemaking celebs (Nicole Richie, anyone?). Instead they sentenced him to death! A little harsh for someone who had such memorable roles in Hot Shots Part Deux and South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut.

So rather than following up on our sitcom plans, Saddam is forced into a career dead-end. He's starring in the season premiere of the new Running Man television show. Unfortunately his role will not carry much further than the pilot, and it sounds as though it might be a direct-to-video release.


The timing is also questionable, pitting Saddam against the likes of Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daily in the new year's eve ratings race. Luckily for his ego, it looks like the show has been bumped up to air tonight in a surprise move by the major players.

It seems that the people behind the event are sure it'll be a hit and want to get it out the door and onto YouTube as quickly as possible. Bold move! I thought of getting in touch with Ceauşescu's people for my backup idea, but he was taken off the air ages ago. I should just stick to computers.

So This is Christmas

Last night I celebrated Christmas Eve with lemon pepper chicken and a Rashomon dvd. Not quite the festive party with sweaters and friendship and Frank Sinatra that I envision, but oh well. I also went to Trader Joe's (friendliest staff ever), and the cashier asked me to tell her a story to entertain her. I didn't have any stories so I just started in on the Brady Bunch theme song. She picked up the ball and ran with it, belting out the entire song, only to be interrupted by me, adding in "they didn't know about birth control". We also talked about the weather and how it hasn't snowed in Toronto yet. She said it's on account of Al Gore Global Warming. He may be trying to warn us about it, but the constant association makes me feel like it's his fault.

This morning I woke up to find out James Brown, the godfather of soul, is dead. Just the other night I was watching his great cameo in Undercover Brother with Natalie. Did you know the movie was filmed in Toronto? Yuhuh, it sure was. I spotted them at Graydon Hall and then proceeded to watch the rest of the movie frame by frame, pointing out evidence of the movie's Toronto-ness. But I digress. James Brown was an inspiration to me as a black man. He made me want to get up in here and do my thang all of the time. He made me want to dance like a madman while hardly moving my upper body. I don't know what I'll do from here on out, but whatever it is, I got to make it funky.

ThanksVegasGiving

I need to catch up on current events.

Iraq is still screwed. We're still all being slowly cooked like lobsters in a big pot of global warming, I think. The new Nintendo is making people enjoy playing like kids again and taking the focus off of technology. This is smart.

Speaking of kids, due to a severe lack of family, Nat and I went to Vegas for American Thanksgiving and didn't eat any turkey. We stayed at the Mirage and I pre-bought "best in house" tickets to the Love show. In case you haven't heard of it, it's the Cirque De Soleil show inspired by the Beatles and their music.

But before the show we had a day or so to gamble away all our money. I know they say that blackjack is the closest you can get to 50/50 odds, with the house slightly in favour, but this time it seemed more like 10/90.

To recoup some of our losses, we participated in one of those timeshare "presentations" where they drill you for 2 hours on how good vacations are for your health etc and that you should really really buy into their garbaggio. And if you get through the 2 hours without being suckered in, you get $100 bucks for coming and are sent on your merry way. As some of you may know, I exhibit extreme cynicism in a sales situation. This is because I've learned some of the tricks of the trade and have to bristle when I see them used on me. Natalie is less experienced in these matters especially when it comes to dealing with high-pressure salesmen. Anyway, to make a long story short, the salesman got annoyed with me and called me a cynic, asking "How do you get up in the morning?". I wondered the same thing about him.

We gambled and ate away most of the 100 we earned by sitting through that ordeal, but hell, it was worth it. Afterwards, we dressed up and went to the show.

I had never seen a Cirque show live before and I don't know if they're all this good, but this one was absolutely amazing. It killed me that they didn't permit any picture taking whatsoever because every element was just spectacular. I can't use enough adjectives to describe how much it floored me. Here was something real and beautiful, and it bypassed all of my cynicism and activated the core of my wonderment. Truth be told, the guy's comment about me being a cynic struck a nerve and it was on my mind until I sat in the show awestruck. It was then I realized that I have an unlimited wellspring of optimism just waiting to be activated by the beauty the the universe conspires to create.

Slept like a baby.

Meat and Pocrazos

I wasted a lot of time trying in vain to buy one of those newfangled Playstations. Thankfully it was only time wasted online and not time wasted in line. I was watching Lost while being a loser in the comfort of my apartment.

Called my local GameStop retailer:

Me: Hi, I am interested in the Playstation home entertainment system. You know, the one with the sixty gigabytes and the six axises of fun?

Helpful (but audibly pimply) Guy: Sorry sir, but those are sold out.

Me: That's too bad, I was hoping to play it on my imaginary 1080p television.

Helpful (but audibly pimply) Guy: You should get a Whee, dude. It's way more fun because you can wave your hands around and stuff happens.

Me: Sounds good, I'll take one.

Helpful (but audibly pimply) Guy: Uhh, we're out of those too.

Me: So when I wave my hands around--

Helpful (but audibly pimply) Guy: Nothing.

So I was left feeling a little Blu-Ray. To cheer myself up I bought a nice piece of brisket and marinated the crap out of it. Papa gave me some helpful hints on what spices to use. Coincidentally they were all the ones that I didn't own. I'm not sure if I invented this technique, but I placed the meat on 4 pedestals of onion core in order to keep it suspended above the pool of juices. My theory was that it would cook more evenly all around. Anyway, it turned out pretty good, but I overcooked it. Next time, Flankey, you will be medium!

This week is zooming by. For Thanksgiving Nat and I are taking a trip to Vegas. That's right! Los Angeles may be surrounded by giant state parks and the unbearable beauty of nature, but we have found a way to steer clear of His majesty by spending this special day in the city of sin. Gil hates turkey (or does he?).

Meanwhile, in Toronto: "Police believe the trouble may have started at a Popeye's fast food outlet, but haven't confirmed anything yet."

The Flow State

The work day went by in a breeze. I wasn't working on anything particularly challenging but I was producing non-stop, other than a few msn distractions. After a month without work, I started to feel down. I need to produce. I'm not doing stuff that's mathematically challenging but I've found a niche that balances my nerdy and artsy tendencies and I am pretty grateful because I ended up here by a divine combination of luck and desire.

Once again I'm mentioning work. Hmmm! It's not like there is nothing else going on... Nat and I are going to Vegas for thanksgiving weekend. It's not wholesome but it'll be oh so much fun. We're going to see the Cirque De Soleil Beatles show titled Love. The next weekend is the work holiday party, which is coincidentally steps away from where I live and also has a casino theme. There I am, back at work.

That's it for tonight, Nat is walking in the door and I have to turn around now. chacha!

I've missed you, Bloggy

Wow, so it's been months since I last posted here. And it's for a lack of delicious food pictures. I've just been busy okay? So what if I haven't blogged about my adventures to Toronto, New York, and the little things like moving to a new place and starting a new job? What's important is that I'm here and I have nothing important to say.

I've finally finished reading 100 Years of Solitude. I'm left with catchy quotes like:

“Taciturn, silent, insensible to the new breath of vitality that was shaking the house, Colonel Aureliano Buendia could understand only that the secret of a good old age is simply an honorable pact with solitude.”

I'm moving on to Franny & Zooey, which should take a lot less time to get through because it's seemingly a lighter read and will screw with my mind less.

Work is a new ballgame, and yet it's the same old story. They want good design but they want it 6 months ago. So today they just want something that works, and there are very good reasons for it. One day I'll do things my way and though that by itself won't make me rich, it sure as hell will make me happy.

I'm listening to: Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade of Pale

This Salad Will Make You Some Friends

I'm catching up on food picture uploads to my Flickr stream. This salad was created by the skillful culinary masterwork of Natalie a few weeks ago.

I need a better camera in order to get better depth-of-field in my food pictures. This is becoming an obsession. Is there a self-help book or a twelve step program to help me?

On a totally unrelated note but a blogably worthwhile tangent, I saw a big column of smoke rising out of the Warner Bros. studio lot on my commute home today. There were at least six helicopters flying low and buzzing around the scene. I was sure they'd crash into each other but, no dice. Two of the heli's were actually firefighting copters and I saw them dumping water on the site of the fire, which was actually on the hillside behind the studio and not on the lot itself. I have no idea what could have caused it, but I didn't see any wreckage and the fire was out by the time I drove by. Update: It was a brush fire

My hunch as to the real cause? Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise must have gotten very drunk, and hatched a plan to burn down the Paramount studio. Unfortunately in their stumbly rage, they burned down the wrong studio's empty mountainside. They're both really sorry and will soon issue a statement on the matter.

The Scientology building can see me.

Spago

Last night I took a couple of exhausted newlyweds to Wolfgang Puck's flagship eatery, Spago Beverly Hills. It was such a good experience that I can't help but write about it here despite my serious neglect of this blog for the past few weeks.

We started with martinis. Dan and I each had a dry vodka martini and Elina had a cosmopolitan. The pre-first course breads were awesome for me, although my two seasons companions were disappointed at the lack of funky whipped butters. A server came around with a big tray loaded with every possible variety of bread and you could make your selections. They had really tasty crunchy flatbread seasoned and topped with Parmesan.

For the first course, I had a risotto with chanterelle mushrooms. It was pretty tasty, I was trying hard to savor the mushrooms to understand why they are so expensive. They were tasty but not as flavorful as I had imagined. D & E each had funky first course dishes that I wasn't really into trying. He had some five-layer beet cakes, and she had a dish with Adriatic figs and mozzarella.

Elina was really exhausted so she wasn't really into drinking, so Dan and I each got a glass of a nice red wine called Barolo.

Before the main course, Wolfgang Puck himself came around and introduced himself. We didn't really talk to him, he just said hello and went on. Nice of him to do that with all of his guests. He has like 10 restaurants bearing his name but this is the only one he is actually at. I wish he had come by after the main course so I could gush about how good it was...

Because it was amazing! I ordered the Kobe beef flatiron steak with sweet roasted garlic and wasabi mashed potato (which wasn't in a pile or anything, it was like a teeny tiny streak of mashed potato on the plate that looked more like a little bit of sauce than a side). Seriously, this Kobe beef was the best thing I had ever eaten in my life. When it touched my tongue for the first time, I could feel it in my spine. I am not exaggerating. I took every bite with my eyes closed and didn't care about looking like a fool because it was just so good. Dan and Elina both had the duck breast, and it was damn tasty as well. But they both reacted to tasting the Kobe beef the same way, each exclaiming "wow!" in turn.

For dessert I had a chocolate dish with soft little donuts, creme fraiche, and chocolate sauce. It was delicious but Dan had a dish with some special strawberries in it. They were so sweet and savory, we couldn't figure out where they came from or what was done to them. We had dessert wine pairings with our sweets and left the restaurant exhausted but oh so satisfied.

Vegas

As the cliche goes: Whatever happens in Vegas, don't stay in Vegas. I'm trying ot catch up on recent events but it's hard to find time to write...

So the Vegan trip was fun, the drive up there wasn't too bad. The desert seems like a really great place to fight someone to the death barehanded. Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity. The hotel we stayed at (Imperial Palace) was total shit and we even heard that it's slated for demolition. Good riddance. Our rooms were on the first floor and we had to go up to the second and back down in order to reach them. So dumb.

The blackjack at the Imperial Palace was actually fun and friendly, none of that serious gambler vibe you would get at Bellagio or something. The dealer helped us get used to playing and etiquette. In the course of the weekend I won about 160 bones, which isn't bad when you go expecting to lose everything you play.

We ate a dinner at the Mirage buffet on someone's reccomendation. It sucked. I don't know if there actually is a good buffet in Vegas like everyone thinks, but I certainly haven't seen it yet. However, when it comes to food, I am a trooper. I ate and stuffed myself good even at this place. The others seemed to not eat just because it was bad. Sissies! You wouldn't last 5 minutes at Steeles & Dufferin!

We scored free passes to a club called Jet, which we went to on the Saturday night. It was pretty cool. Like any club called Jet, Fuel, Heat, Storm, Ice, Level, or Ultra, it was on the pretentious side. My suggestions for club names: Blue Panda (lifted from: Siperco, Ian, 2002, "night of drunken rambling"), Filo, Neckn, Snood, Slefphone.

Booker T. McGillucuddy's House of Laser Jams

That's all I have to say about Vegas. I enjoyed the blackjack. Especially the winning money part.

I'm putting together a new computer and Tal is coming to visit at the end of the month. It's all happening!

Doncha Wish Your Schnitzel Was...

Schnitzel Dinner 1
Originally uploaded by Gillios.

Today I went shopping for Natalie's birthday. I can't tell you what I got her. It's a secret! I got a haircut at yet another random west hollywood salon. This one ended up more of a trim but I was so eager to get out of there that I didn't care.

Yes, I made that schnitzel from scratch all by myself. And yes, it was perfectly cooked on the inside. The secret is pounding it mercilessly with the bottom of my only pot.

Tomorrow I work and eagerly await my cutie's return.

Rizzo Off The Hizzo

Stir Fry on Rizzo
Originally uploaded by Gillios.

So origiNatalie is away in Costco Rico... I'm replacing her with housekeeping and overeating. I made chicken stir fry on rice, and reclaimed my chef's hat when the rice came out perfecto.

After finishing laundry, I ate Doritos and watched season 1 of Entourage until I felt sick to my stomach and then I switched over to just the Doritos.

Anecdote from the weekend: We were at a bar with a bunch of Nat's friends, and noticed a young guy sitting by himself near us. He looked to me like he could have been me, so I invited him to join us. Turns out he moved out here 2 weeks ago and didn't know anyone. So I scored some karma points, and he seems like a good guy. BUT, he's seen Mission Impossible 3 twice and said he would see it a third time at the free ETC screening.

There's an ice cream chain here called Coldstones, where you pick a flavour of ice cream and a couple of toppings and they pound the toppings into the ice cream until it's all one uniformly delicious mass. Best enjoyed with two spoons.

Just In Time

Sorry about the lack of updates, but as usual my absense from blogging is a good sign. I've been busy lately! I met a girl. Her name is Natalie and she digs my crazies as I dig her's. We've seen each other every day since we met, and I've gotten very little sleep but it's so worth it. Those of you who know what a romantic I am can guess the overwhelming thoughts and feelings running through me now. I can't put it into words.

So enough about me, what life-changing events have happened to *you* lately?

Just Curry It!

That's right! Food porn is back! This is Thai red curry chicken. The reason why it's not plated is because, well, the rice it went on ended up like hummus and it wasn't very pleasant to look at. But the chicken looks good, doesn't it? :)

Anyway, so I haven't posted all during Tal's visit, and it would be impossible to sum up the last ~2 weeks in a single blog post. We had a blast, we squabbled like an old married couple. We also had crazy adventures that I won't write about even in the most brief form due to the internet's long memory and my desire to be president one day. It was great to have a guest and whoever's coming next will have a lot of fun'in to live up to.

Work is work. I'm doing great, they are thrilled with what I'm producing. I might have to do some overtime before the end of the month as we struggle to meet a crucial deadline. But there are plenty of laughs to be had around the office and only the occassional group discussions about which programming language is best. Yawn.

I just looked over to see if my dishes have washed themselve yet. Damn.

On Monday I went grocery shopping at Trader Joe's for the first time. It was effin' scary! Everyone there is so much cooler than me, I was rushing through all the isles to avoid being in anyone's way as I sheepishly tried to decide between 10 different varieties of trail mix. I went with: coconut, cashews, chocolate, and almonds. It's a tasty mix and doesn't have anything queer like raisins. I'm looking at you, Marchese! I think you had trail mix with raisins once, but were barely redeemed by the presence of m&m's. This store seems more catered to the snobby types who can't cook but want good food. It's all about the prepared stuff here. I'm probably going to stick to Ralph's for the most part, at least there I can get some fresh fru&veg. Maybe the TJ's I went to was an especially small one or something.

Speaking of The Boss, the bar nearby is playing Thunder Road. Who says L.A. has no soul? Thanks to Talido, I now know of at least two cool bars that aren't too pretentious and bring back that old dance cave vibe.

A Shitty Ride Home

"Gil, this is one of those shits where I have to take my pants totally off"

That's the latest line from Tal, who has been suffering from a hilarious bout of the shits. I've been laughing my ass off for the last hour. We got a little lost driving home from dinner at the Olive Garden and he was having a really hard time keeping his shit together. I even had to pull over at a shitty run-down plaza about 4 blocks from my place because he just couldn't hold it any longer. Then he got turned away and had to look around for a bathroom. I was hysterical. He sent me an sms message mid-poop saying "This ain't pretty". Later on when I strung together the ideas that he's been eating nothing but hot pockets and now had the runs, I burst into an uncontrollable Gil laughing fit, which, if you've ever seen one, is a pretty powerful and scary event. This is by far the highlight of Tal's visit here.

Oh, and he secretly loves DDR by the way.

LALALA- That crackhead has a sweet ass- Featuring the blogtastic stylings of Los Angelian visitor, Tal

There's nothing like travelling with an odd looking parcel that might speak volumes about your personality. But I swear, it's not mine. Gil had asked me to play FedEx and cradle in my bosom his precious dance intensive video game, "Dance Dance Revolution: Extreme". The El-al interrogation had me sweating bullets, asking me all sorts of random questions, having me speak some choppy jew and generally judging my terroristic integrity on an ad hoc basis. "Did someone pack your bag for you", she asked, explaining that she is only asking this question because history has proven that sometimes bags packed by others (particularly a fellow named Bin Laden) are known to carry explosive devices. Lord knows I am no mule for Bin Laden. America, Fuck Ya!
Moving forward, the plane ride was nice and smooth and teeming with Israeli ex-pats. After a 5+ hour flight, people are antsy and very eager to get off the clammy, dry confines of an airplane fuselage, so it is entirely acceptable that the anxious passenger will prematurely remove their seatbelts and collect their overhead belongings beforethe plane is ready for disembarkment, and yet there is always some douchebaguette who feels he is the most righteous and most patient to extoll his virtues with a "geez, sitcher asses down". I definitely felt his hostility was rooted in anti-Semitism. ELAL- Flying Jews around the world just inches beneath Heaven at Jewtastic prices!

Now Gil is doing his best to entertain me as he sits to my opposition watching an episode of "Lost" on his laptop- with headphones. He's not quite used to companionship as he had kicked it cold turkey for the past two months. Let's see if i can reacquaint him to pure, unadulterated coolness.

Question of the week: Do people who reak of "pure, unadulterated coolness" spend evenings in Los Angeles writing in theirs friends' blog?

New Threads!

Got a Camera

I finally bought myself a digicam so I can show you my dinners in vivid colour and be able to provide the poster-sized prints you have been quietly wishing for. Don't worry, Gil knows your dreams.

Main Area
Originally uploaded by Gillios.

Socialy Secure

I got my social security number. I am also deeply in love with Netflix. Ben is in town so I'm probably going to hang out with him soon. He's an old pro at this "being L.A" thing, so it should be fun. Did I mention I really like Netflix? Don't even have to move my lazy ass to get a dvd, it just comes to me. They even have a girls gone wild-esque series available. Live the dream Gil, live the dream.

Tonight I had a long phone convo with my bros. The brothers Hogie are unstoppable. We will always be on time for everything, 'cause we're crazy like that! Don't mess.

I also had an intense discussion with Jenn about chicken fingers. She makes the bold claim that President's Choice brand spicy chicken fingers are the greatest ever. Since I'm a Janes man, I can't speak to the quality of the PC product. Can anyone in the teedot corroborate this? Below is a picture of my dinner, with the usual horrible quality you've come to expect and tolerate! Now that I've been paid, I'm going to start shopping for a digicam.



Besides a talent for Puck-ish culinary masterwork, I have discovered a somewhat alarming ability, nay a superpower. I'm not ready to discuss it yet because you may react badly to the shocking news. I don't want to be labeled a freak, at least not until the next X-Men movie comes out. At that point I will reveal my powers and accept whatever judgement you pass.

Mental Health Day

This morning I woke up and went for a walk around the farmer's market. I thought about buying strawberries because they always look so good but I have too much food. I went to Borders and bought myself a yoga mat and a couple of books (Franny and Zooey, Kafka on the Shore).

On Shoshi's advice, I went for a drive to the beach. I took the 101 to Malibu canyon, and then took that road to the ocean. It really is a nice drive, through mountains and stuff. And, as Shoshi promised, at the end of the canyon road, I was shat out onto the pacific highway. I took it to santa monica, parked, and walked around the beach and pier. It was a little ronery being in that area around so many couples holding hands doing what appears to be the #1 most popular date activity in L.A. But I had an ice cream and it was nice and peaceful. There are many street/pier performers in that area. Most of them are based solely on the idea of balancing a spinning ball on stuff. Pretty lame when compared to the crazy sword juggling contortionist dude we saw in NYC. And he was slick about asking for money; these people just guilt the crowd and don't do the grand finale until they pass around their bucket.

So yah, that's about all. It was a pretty calm and relaxing day overall. Now I'm back in my place and ready to attack some Thai leftovers.

Like a Foxx!

So long time no update? How've you been? Who cares, I'm the coolest! I'll skip over the boring daily stuff and just mention that Jamie Foxx is filming a music video in the alley right next to my building.


From my roof I have the perfect vantage point. Too bad I don't have a decent camera! I had to make due with my cell phone cammy. He was literally within spitting range. Not that I would spit on the guy; he rules.

It's still going on but I got bored. In my head I entertained fantasies of offering Mr. Foxx a cold beer, running down and giving him one, and then he'd say "Thanks man, you're cool. Wanna come to an awesome party tonight?" And I would say, "Gosh Mr. Foxx, I sure would!" And then I would go to the party and well... you can take the fantasy from there.

Actually I might end up going to a fun party tonight. The Israeli dude who sold me the car called and we might go to some live Israeli music thing or just for some drinks.

I got a haircut this morning from a gay german named Ernest. These Americans love to bitch about immigration reform. Even the foreigners have no sympathy for illegal workers and assume that these people are taking advantage of the system and getting all this free money. It's nutty, and people always seem to want to bring it up in convo, whereas I just want to know where a guy can go to get whipped by a dominatrix around here. Make love or at least pleasurable pain, not war or umm... reform.